The way to correct those who wrong you: do them good, so that they feel ashamed, and let the matter go.
இன்னாசெய் தாரை ஒறுத்தல் அவர்நாண நன்னயஞ் செய்து விடல்
iṉṉācey tārai oṟuttal avarnāṇa naṉṉayañ ceytu viṭal
Key insights
- Forgiveness means letting go of the wish to get even. It does not mean excusing harm, forgetting it, or necessarily reconciling.
- In a laboratory study, people who imagined holding a grudge showed more negative emotion and higher stress responses, such as heart rate and blood pressure, than when they imagined responding with forgiveness.
- Many traditions honour this. The Dhammapada teaches that hatred ceases by love, and the Tirukkuṟaḷ counsels answering harm with good.
- Forgiveness takes time. It is a process, not a single decision.
Try this
The unsent letter
Write a letter to someone you hold a grievance against. Say how their actions affected you. End with what you would like to let go of. You do not need to send it.
Reflection
What would you gain, for yourself, by setting this burden down?
References
- Witvliet, C. V. O., Ludwig, T. E., & Vander Laan, K. L. (2001). Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology, and health. Psychological Science, 12(2), 117–123.