Lift yourself by your own self; do not let yourself sink. The self alone is your friend, and the self alone your foe.
उद्धरेदात्मनात्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत्। आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मनः॥
uddhared ātmanātmānaṃ nātmānam avasādayet · ātmaiva hy ātmano bandhur ātmaiva ripur ātmanaḥ
Key insights
- Self-compassion means treating yourself as you would treat a good friend who is struggling.
- Psychologist Kristin Neff describes three parts: kindness towards yourself, recognising that struggle is part of being human, and mindful awareness of painful feelings without exaggerating them.
- Self-compassion is not self-pity, and it is not lowering your standards. It gives you a steadier base for honest self-reflection.
- Indian wisdom says the same. The Gītā asks us to lift ourselves by our own self, and the Ācārāṅga Sūtra reminds us that we can be our own friend.
Try this
The friend test
Think of a recent mistake. Write down what you said to yourself about it. Now write what you would say to a close friend in the same situation. Read the second version slowly, and notice how it feels.
Reflection
What would change if you spoke to yourself the way you speak to people you love?
References
- Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.